I'll say something you may not have heard before. And if you have, I'll say it again:
Hurt people... hurt people.
You'll never hear something that will make you question your worth from someone who genuinely loves, honors and respects themself.
Why?
Because people who care and respect themselves, generally care and respect others. They won't make you feel poorly or make you question yourself with the intention to cause pain, frustration, anxiety, sadness or anger. We all make mistakes. Trust me, I would know. I’ve made many in life, but I’ve also learned so much along the way.
Just because you’re having a rough time, doesn’t mean you need to take that anger or toxicity out onto someone else. Sure, we all need people to vent to and share how we're feeling. We all love and appreciate support and a shoulder to cry on from time to time, but purposely pushing your pain onto someone else just to have them sit in misery with you is never the positive or right outcome. Not only do you cause pain to someone innocent but you further ruin yourself along the way.
If someone makes you feel inferior or less than for whatever reason, here are 3 things to remember:
1) I'll say it AGAIN: hurt people hurt people.
This isn’t meant to excuse poor behavior but it’s simple true. In high school I was picked on by a girl who always gave me bad vibes and rolled her eyes every chance she could. One day she took it too far and had her friend trip me between classes. How do I know? Well, I heard her. I landed on my chest and scraped my chin on the cement floor of our high school bridge. Embarrassed that everyone saw, I quickly grabbed my books and ran to the second floor bathroom. I thought I was alone when I heard a knock on my stall. "I’m really sorry. I swear, Violet. I can’t help but be angry at you. All my ex ever did was talk about you and I’ve always been jealous. It was wrong and I feel like crap now." Having the good sense of humor my dad instilled in me, I genuinely laughed back and said, “Well... try having to ice your boobs and chin at the same time!" I unlocked my door, stepped out and we locked eyes. As embarrassed as I was, I mostly felt really sorry for her. That pain I saw in her eyes looking back at me was worse than the pain I felt in that moment.
What’s the moral here? Be empathetic but also set boundaries.
Everyday I chose to look her in the eyes in class, passing the hall on my way to my next class or heading to Girls Drill team practice and everyday she bonded more with me. She wasn’t a horrible person. She was a hurt person who needed to be shown love.
2) Remember Who You Are
When someone belittles you, it says everything about who they are as a person and zero about who you are. Actions will always speak louder than words. Someone's opinion about you is NONE of your problem. Sure, it's easier said than done. We're all affected by what others choose to say about us, no matter how strong we try to be, but if you sit on that for a minute, you'll realize that this is true. You are divine and perfect exactly as you are.
The timing of your life is unfolding beautifully and exactly as it should and if you're brave enough, you'll take whatever pain you've been dealt in life and make that your power and your purpose.
If someone chooses to make you feel little so that they feel large - I promise you that this "high and mighty" feeling will eventually fade. Karma has a lovely way of playing itself out. Never ever seek revenge. Time and karma do it in their own way however they see fit. Let the universe do its work. You keep doing you.
3) Be Kind
The last thing you want to do when someone makes you feel like 💩 is smile back or be friendly, respectful or kind. I get it. You probably curse yourself the minute they walk away wondering where your self respect was. But don't worry. Like I said, God, time, the universe, whatever it is you choose to believe in, does their job in their own timing. Our only job is to do our very best and be a better version of ourselves tomorrow.
We must learn that the only person in the entire world we CAN control is the one looking back at us in the mirror. Trying to mold or control someone else is a HUGE waste of time and effort. Live your life the way you feel best. Do what makes you feel free and happy. And, when you bump into someone who makes you feel inferior, show them the best reflection that you can, so that it reminds them that they too can shine brightly.. once they decide to step out of the dark.
Sleep tight friends,
Violet