Dear you,
I know the word "mom" or "mama" might feel a bit foreign at first.
You were just "you" not too long ago. And now, you are someone's mom... f o r e v e r.
It's odd how life changes so quickly, so profoundly overnight. I don't think anything can ever compare. Some people think marriage changes you but I'd have to disagree. Sure, marriage changes things a bit, makes your partnership more official, not to mention legal, but in no way does that compare to motherhood. Not even close!
Over the last 9 months of pregnancy you have evolved...day after day, you grow. Your waist changes, your ribs open up, your skin stretches, your organs get squished in all corners of your body to make room for your little miracle to grow till it's time to come out. From the moment your baby departs your body and meets you on the outside or earthside, something truly magical happens. Your heart explodes and you learn that the biggest piece of your heart now lives outside in the real world in this tiny body with tiny fingers, sweet eyes and cute little toes.
You wonder if your life will ever be the same and I'm going to be brutally honest my beautiful reader and tell you the truth: Nope, not even close. I mean really. Your life will change so much that you won't recognize it or even yourself at times. Some days, hours or moments especially at the start will be excruciatingly difficult, unbearably exhausting... and others will be peaceful, full of love, adventure and joy. It will ebb and flow, just like those lovely postpartum hormones.. (more on that in a separate blog)
Some days you'll want to avoid the world, stay home and be hyper-focused on your little person and that's okay. Other days you won't feel like being home and you crave your old friendships, happy hour drinks and places and things that bring you comfort and laughter and that's okay too. Like I said earlier, it will ebb and flow..
Some moments you'll worry if you're doing things "the right way" or "the best way" or the way "it should be" and I'm here to tell you that no way is perfect, but you'll learn your groove in time. It takes... T I M E. It all takes divine time. Be patient mama. Be kind to yourself. I mean it.
It takes time to grow a baby. It takes time to adjust to the uncontrollable changes your body will inevitably go through. It takes time to learn what motherhood will be like. It takes time to heal and feel like yourself again. It takes time to decide what feels good, right or safe in this crazy, wild, post (or current) Covid/Monkey Pox and everything-else-out-there-like-RSV-world. Ugh it's a lot mama, I know.
Maybe your boss or colleagues won't understand that your priorities have shifted and if that's the case do what is best for you and your family and if that means leaving, then so be it. Life goes on. You aren't married to your job. You are however connected to this little person who needs your love, energy and care. e not to, that's okay too.
Maybe your boss or colleagues won't understand that your priorities have shifted and if that's the case, do what is best for you and your family. If that means leaving, then so be it. Life goes on. You aren't married to your job. You are however connected to this little person who needs your love, energy and care. Be selective about who you spend your time with and if they aren't supportive or helpful then "bye Felicia, ain't nobody got time for it!"
You'll get more advice than you could ever want, from all corners. Some advice will be incredibly helpful, some repetitive and some just ridiculous, outdated and unwanted.
Like can we please NOT today? Smile and nod and then go do whatever the heck you were going to do anyways. This is your baby, your body, your life - not theirs. When it comes to matters of your baby - as their mama - you and only you know best. Period.
Follow your deep rooted intuition. Becoming a mother made me incredibly intuitive. I knew when he was too cold/hot/hungry/tired/sleepy or coming down with something before I literally knew. I can't explain it other that to say that it's something that came from within. If you quiet the outside noise and listen deep within, you'll get the answers you need. And even more importantly - when you don't have the energy, the answers or the support - ask for help from someone you really trust.
You deserve a happy, healthy life.
You deserve rest.
Your body has worked so hard day in and day out for months to make your sweet baby. Don't be afraid to ask for help, to take a nap, to get food dropped off, to have someone hold baby so you can take a sitz bath or a shower or to simply be alone for a minute or two and rest, tend to your wounds, go to a therapy session, a workout class, get fresh air, get your mani/pedi or do whatever the heck it is that lights you up.
You are a mother, yes - but deep inside you are still YOU. Love your baby and remember to love you too. Fill up that cup of yours and if in this moment it's too damn hard, ask your partner or family or friends to help you do it.
And one last thing --> this time does fly by so so so fast. I promise you'll miss holding your teeny baby (even when sleep is begging for you to go to bed). You will miss those tiny hands, those little nails, those baby coos and yawns and smiles.
My son is 8 months old now and he just said his first word - "M A M A".
Nothing in the world will make you more proud, happy or fulfilled than to hear them call out for you. It literally gives you life. My hope is that this letter reminds you that as hard as it is, being a mama is truly the best thing in life.
There truly is no hood... like motherhood.
Sending you love, rest and big tight hug. You've got this.
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