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  • Writer's pictureViolet

Jealousy... or is it Envy?

I have a client. Let's call her "Mary".

And in case you're wondering, "go for it V, tell 'em what kinda woman I am. Maybe I'm not alone, just change my name so I don't die of embarrassment!"

I deeply admire Mary.

She's the epitome of what most would consider, a "successful" woman.

She's very educated. Has a stable, well paying job doing what she loves. She's married and has a 3 year old little boy. She lives in a pretty home with 2 cats. She can afford to pay a nanny to help clean, do dishes and prep dinner 4 times a week. She loves her little family and enjoys ordering things online that her husband tells her she definitely doesn't need.

"Life is pretty good. I know I"m lucky, especially with Covid-19 this year."

But, like many women I work with, I'd heard her say, "Something isn't right..."

After some deep digging, she began to trust me with her real thoughts.

No more sugar-coating. Tell me exactly what's eating you up, I said.

And she began:

"...I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of dread. It mainly happens when I'm online... and then they're everywhere... all the pretty women, with their perfectly smooth skin and hair... and here I am... with this disgusting "thing" for a body. I can't help but feel enraged when I see my husband look at any other woman. I feel so ugly. My belly is stretched and we haven't had sex without all my clothes since after I gave birth. I haven't told anyone. I always wear at least a t-shirt to hid away all the "ugly". I hate that I feel this way and I hate feeling jealous." I just wanna trade bodies. I love my life but I hate the way I feel when I see a pretty girl on tv or on my phone. We got in a fight simply because he waved at my coworker and... I'm such an idiot. I trust him with everything. He would never hurt me. He's been a wonderful man. What's wrong with me?

What's "wrong" with Mary?

Absolutely nothing. Nada. Niente!

Mary is human.

Mary is a woman.

Mary gets her period for 6 full days every single month, every single year, for the past 22 years. She gets painful cramps, sore boobs, chin, chest and back acne too.

She loves her kid but can't help but yell back when he tests her patience and she has zero desire to workout even though she knows she needs to.

Mary is a mother who grew and birthed a whole entire human baby out of her tiny body and now she has the love marks to show for it.

Mary is like so many woman. She is NOT ALONE.

She sees what we've been conditioned to see as "beautiful" and "perfect" and "desirable" and by overanalyzing what she feels to be lacking, she's come to the conclusion that ___+ ___ = pretty and she doesn't fit into that equation.

What did I tell Mary?

I gave her a loving, little wake up call and a better definition for the word she had mistakenly been using.


You're not jealous!

Jealousy is when you fear losing what you have because someone else will take it away.

What you have is, Envy. It's the painful feeling caused by the good fortune of others.

Now let that sink in.

When you're envious, you get triggered by something you feel drawn to. This isn't a negative thing. Consider it a "sign" from the universe. Maybe you want to have a toned body, or more confidence, or a better career. Whatever this is for you, use it as a guide to pay more attention to that part of your life. You'll also find that you do have control over improving this area if you focus and most importantly, take ACTION!

As Mary mentioned, her body was an area needing love and attention. Now that she's reframed her thinking, she decided to place one nice big gift for herself in her online shopping cart.

Here's one order he won't complain about. My new elliptical is scheduled to arrive in 2 days...So excited to use it!

Remember ladies, if it's envy, use it for your own good. Use it to improve your quality of life. Use it to take that first step and use it to help you love your life, all over again.

Sending you positive vibes and only good energy, xo!

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