On February 13th, 2016 I accepted a date. He wanted to take me Salsa dancing, and apparently he said he was a "trained professional".. so I thought, "heck, why not?!" Sounds like fun and hopefully it's a better date than the last one I had.
I appreciated that he was the total gentleman that evening. He waited for me outside the salsa nightclub till I arrived and held my hand as we walked down the stairs to the bar. I'm not sure if I looked uncomfortable because, I was. Heels have never been good to me. He leaned in and showed pure interest. Before I could dig out money from my clutch to pay for my drink, he quickly pulled out his card and covered the bill.
He asked all the questions he could think of and expressed how much his mother meant to him. He told me he'd love for me to meet his mom... "Okay, hold your horses, I thought. ONE DAY that'll be nice. But how about I get to know you first?"
"Cheers to our next date!"
He happily rose his glass and then pulled me onto the dance floor and twirled me over and over in the same salsa spin till the music ended and the live band packed their instruments. By then the margaritas had worked their magic and I was dizzy from all the repetitive moves. "Didn't he say he was a professional dancer? Never mind." I was tired and ready to go home. In other words, I was tired of him, ready to get out of my shoes and get some sleep.
He walked me outside and waited for my lyft to arrive. I gave him a hug to say goodnight and thanked god he didn't lean in for a kiss. In my gut I knew he wasn't the right one for me but I appreciated his kindness and was thankful he wasn't a weirdo.
Being the gentleman that he was, he texted me an hour later to make sure I had made it home safely. I thanked him for the nice time and before my head hit the pillow, he asked if I would be free later that day. Mind you it was past midnight...
"Feb 14th? Oh shoot. It's Valentine's Day."
I hope he isn't planning anything big. After all, we had spent most of the night dancing, and I just wanted to stay home and relax. Clearly I wasn't interested. Stay home and relax on V-day?!
This guy surely doesn't waste any time.
The "nice girl" responded and I said, "Sure. Let's meet at Lands End for a walk." That's pretty casual right? It's public and safe. Maybe I'll feel differently about him? Maybe I should give him one more chance? Maybe he was nervous? But why wasn't I? I wasn't excited at all, yet there I was putting on my yoga pants and heading out the door.
As I pulled into the parking space, I felt a knot in my stomach.
Oh god, why did I come? Now I'm stuck walking all of Lands End with a guy I have zero interest in. FFS.
We walked and talked. Each time I tried to speak up and tell him how I felt and how we should just be friends, he completely cut me off. I think he sensed it, but didn't want to accept it. I walked faster, hoping the walk would end sooner, and he walked slower and talked some more. He expressed being super excited to see me again. The more he went on and on about his mother, the more I knew he was not for me. Sure, it was sweet, but wasn't there anything else we could cover: weather, food, the Golden Gate Bridge, trees, the sutro baths... anything?
With every trail sign we passed, I started to fantasize running for the hills. I struggled to be present. I smiled, was kind and asked questions to try to figure him out, but my soul had already figured him out. It screamed, "Leave. He's not the one for you!"
We finally made it back to our initial meeting point and by then I was thankful. I was so ready to tell him, "we're better off as friends," but before I had the chance, he grabbed my hand and told me he had a big surprise. Shit... He said to wait right where I was and then without waiting for my response, he ran downhill.
"He's clearly nuts. Damn it, why didn't I speak up?! Can't he tell I'm not interested?"
I yelled after him, "It's okay, really! I don't like surprises" (lies) and "Where are you going? This isn't necessary...!"
I panicked and my anxiety kicked into ultra high gear. I looked down at the car key in my hand and before he could turn back, I darted for my car like there was no tomorrow.
Was he watching me? I'll never know.
Out of breath, I quickly drove a block away, parked and pulled out my phone.
"J..., I'm really sorry but I had to go. I didn't mean to leave you and I tried to explain, but you cut me off each time and then left me hanging before I could tell you. The fact that you cut me off so many times was a huge turn off. I don't see this working and I know you feel otherwise, but deep down I'm not the girl for you. I know you're angry, but it's really for the best. In time I know you'll understand. Please take care of yourself.
Your runaway Valentine,
Violet
Ok, I didn't really sign off that way, but you get the point!
That night I felt a huge sense of relief. Even though it was Valentines Day and I didn't have a special guy in my life, I knew he was close and I was not about to give up on love.
February 20, 2016.
Six days passed. I was hesitant, but decided to go on another date.
It was a cold and misty night, but I told myself to shake off the last experience.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Violet."
I stepped out of the car, crossed 23rd street and stepped into Beretta, a cute romantic corner Italian restaurant. That night, I ventured love and met... my h u s b a n d.
The following day J*** responded via text.
"Hey V,
You pissed me off which is why it took some time to reply. (hey, at least he was honest.)
You left me hanging and I really wanted my mom to meet you. She was my surprise! She was at the coffee shop waiting the whole time. (My worst nightmare. Thank god I ran.) But it's fine. Hope you enjoyed your Valentines day. I met an awesome girl last night and she talks so much about her father. I think I maybe found my better half."
J.
Hah! You sure did buddy.
You sure did.
xx,
