No one tells you that having a pet changes your life.
But it does.
After 13+ years of being by my side, it’s clear that out of all the loves I’ve ever had, absolutely none will ever compare to the unconditional love I feel for Charlie. It's true.
How strange is it that love can be so profound, even when you can’t speak the same language or hear back those little words that mean everything ...
I L O V E Y O U
I do. I love him. So much. Too much.
It’s sad that time flies so quickly and his little grays came in so fast. Wasn’t he just that little ball of fluff hopping out of his cage a minute ago? I remember the day I cried thinking I’d lost him as a puppy but I found him snuggled up and sleeping in my boot.
I’ll also never forget the agony when he did run away from the groomers and I received a call at work saying he was gone.
“Gone.. are you sure?!” I was furious, but underneath that, I was terrified. In that moment I got a glimpse of what motherhood could be like: Absolutely terrifying.
I ran to Fedex and printed hundreds of flyers. I spent 16 hours walking in circles around the neighborhood, not having eaten at all. All through the cold night, I rushed to place flyers with his photo on cars under windshield wipers, in mailboxes and knocked on all the doors I could to beg people to look around and call me if they found him. My mother joined me and together we walked endlessly into the night to post more flyers. Once the tape had run out, and my exhaustion took over around 4 am, I deliriously drove home. I passed out onto my bed in my wet coat and cried myself to sleep. The next morning by some miracle, my ex found him and brought him home. Being creative on social media and posting a reward had paid off and thankfully we were reunited.
He’s still here thankfully but...
endless day sleeping is a reminder that time is slipping.
There is absolutely nothing I can do to rewind time or stop it. There is no one I can bribe and no magician I could visit or pay to change the outcome of what comes next. I already know, and deep down, so does he.
For those that have a special connection with their pet, you can skip this whole post altogether, because YOU GET IT.
For those that don’t have a special furry friend they have bonded with, picture this:
You’re heartbroken, angry, humiliated, alone and breathing is excruciating. You have NO close friends because for the last 6 years you’ve stupidly dedicated loving someone so much you shut everyone out.
Your eyes are red and puffy from hours of crying. It hurts to even look at your reflection. You fall asleep broken. In sleep there is some peace.
When you wake, for a second, you forget the pain, or the truth. And then you’re reminded. It hits your chest like a semi truck and you’re
... back to broken.
You don’t eat, you can’t.
Nothing can fill the void after 4 days and nights of this torture. You turn around in bed, flip the pillow covered in black, tear-stained mascara and you lock souls with two small, sweet, soulful, brown eyes.
He stares back and he doesn’t move. Somehow you can tell that he feels it too.
He gets it, without ever having to say a single word.. Because he can’t. But he gets it and you cry some more because you realize you haven’t gotten out of bed in 4 days from this love sickness, and then you realize: neither has he.
“I don’t deserve to have a dog.”
He’s been there the entire time. Right by my side. Loving me. Supporting me. He didn’t care to eat. He didn’t want to. He didn’t care to be walked. He didn’t care to leave. He was loyal. “Why couldn’t my ex be more like this?”
Charlie was there when I felt that I had no one.
It’s funny when I think back to the day I brought him home. I was with my high school boyfriend at the time and we had broken up more times than I could count. His gift to me along with a broken heart, was Charlie.
Looking back, I thank him for both. Yes, both. He gifted me the lesson that you can heal and rebuild yourself from a broken heart, and you will learn the beauty of unconditional love when you grow up with your pet. Yes, you grow up with them. You don’t own them.
In time you learn they own the biggest part of you, your H E A R T.
There’s no way you can’t grow in love if you have a breathing, blinking, ball of joy and laughter in your home. You simply do.
I know Charlie still has some good time left on earth in him. So I’ll plan to love him as much as I possibly can till then.
Any other other pet owners out there that feel the same way? I'd love to hear if you do!