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  • Writer's pictureViolet

No More Mr. Maybe!

Not getting what or who we want sucks, right?

Whether it's a raise, a role, a partner, or hitting "that" goal, it hurts and we feel low about it. I know.. I've been there. Earlier today this message popped up in my dms: "Violet, why the hell isn't this working? I've done too much to make this relationship work and now he's pulling back. What am I doing wrong? I'm fed up. Help?"

My heart sunk a bit. I felt for her, and before I started drafting some empowering message like I normally would, I sat back and reflected just how freaking awful that feels.. because girl, I know. It's shitty. It hurts. Unrequited love is the worst kinda love there is. I know because I've been there. It f'n hurts.

You want it so bad to "work". You see others posting all the perfect lovey-dovey photos you dream of living and you can't help but grow anger, hate.. even jealousy. How do I know?

Well, I'm human and I'm a woman and yes, I admit I've felt every emotion under this sun for many reasons and I'd have to admit that love sometimes makes you a damn fool. How do I know? Well, "hi, here I am.. welcome and hello!" I've been one, many times. So I know. I do.

Wanna know something else? I don't regret any decision I made in the past as a "fool" because as much as rejection or pain hurt, I learned so much about myself in the process of that pain and those chapters in my past life and I'd like to share a few of them with you.

1 (of many) big lessons I've learned in relationships:

When you chase a butterfly... it flies away. But when you sit in all your calming, happy, self-fulfilled glory, it comes to embrace you, accompany you, play with you and love you. It craves your energy, it doesn't stray from it.

If you're an emotional, neurotic chicken running around with its head cut off, making accusations, chasing, stalking, screaming or manipulating, you are only damaging yourself. Check yourself - as best as you can in the moment and I mean it.

I've felt all the crazy feelings before when my trust was broken in past relationships and it's hard to "check yourself" when your heart is pounding and your tears are nonstop flowing and your hands want to hug the poison that also seems to be your medicine.. it's hard, but it's not impossible. If there's a will, there is always a way.

Remember that you are deserving of all the love in this world, yes YOU. You don't need to be rich or skinny or have perfect skin or the best job or the straightest teeth. You don't. If you love yourself truly, madly deeply, he will too. If you respect yourself truly, madly, deeply, he will too. You are not a doormat darling, so please stop acting like one.

If you're crying or frustrated in this moment reading this, know that I've been there. Many, many times. I've wasted so much damn mascara and eyeliner in my life and damaged so many pretty white pillowcases, so if it's gotta happen now, then cry it all out girl and let it be the last time you exert this precious energy on some fool unworthy of your love.

5 more things. Grab a pen:

  • Say how you feel ALWAYS, no matter what. Men know when you're lying or sugar-coating. They're not idiots. They can read energy just like you can. The more you sugarcoat aka deny your truth, the less they respect and like you because who respects someone who doesn't respect themselves??? Nobody! Ex) Don't like that football game? Speak up! Don't you dare sit through 2 hours of misery when you could've done something way more fun or fulfilling with your valuable time.

  • Chasing love? Please stop. Start chasing what that makes you light up inside. Discover yourself. What do you LOVE so much that it wouldn't matter if John or Jose or Jenny was there by your side. Go do that! Go paint, go run, go shop, go read a book, go join a club, go learn how to meditate, go learn a new language, go buy that ticket to Bali you've been bitching about wanting to go do but keep making excuses... and do it now. Stop waiting for him to be interested in what you like and instead settling for only his interests. I promise that when you start doing more of what you love, he (or she) will come along and join you. Like attracts like.

  • You matter. Your desires and happiness matters. If you're finding yourself miserable or depleted after "hanging out" with you "friend" that you sleep with 3 times a week who won't commit to calling you his girlfriend or taking the next steps you'd like to, then "toodle-loo, boy bye!" Wake up and move on. There are dozens of great men out there for every idiot incapable of committing. Trust me. There are many kind, loving and handsome guys out there wanting the same things you do! But I promise you won't find them if you keep circling around, sniffing the same old fool who won't give you the time of day. The truth hurts. I KNOW.

  • If he says NO to something that means the world to you, move on. If you want to get married, have children, travel to Africa or do something epic that your heart desires and he rejects your passion or life goals: pack your bags and don't look back. Don't ever waste your precious years with "Mister Maybe". As women we don't have the luxury of waiting all our lives for our FWB to "get it together".

  • Be Bold and Trust In Yourself. As a woman you have a divine innate intuition you were born with. Use it. Follow it. Allow it to guide you. When you avoid, hide, or ignore that voice within you, it will always come back to bite you in the "you know what". Be better than that. You know yourself better that I ever will. Listen to that intelligent intuition because it knows the truth. It knows the right way for you. It will never steer your wrong. When it's time to end things, do so because you love yourself and respect your energy and heart. Know and have faith that taking a bold courageous step into the unknown is scary, but in time you will thank yourself for being the beautifully bold woman, worthy of all she deserves.

Love you lady and I'm here for you,

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