Not only does the initial action cause unbearable pain, confusion and misery, but long after the incident is over, it remains like an undesirable scar on skin.
Every time you look at it or touch the scar, it brings you back to the physical and emotional state of anger, heartbreak and pain.
“Why is he doing this to us?!"
A client cried to me in our last coaching call.
Her husband and father of her twin, two year olds decided it was time to move to Mexico. He wanted a “fresh start” without the responsibilities and stress of a wife, a mortgage and their two young boys. He wanted the freedom and joy of a new country, endless tequila, tacos... and of course his younger, pretty, new girlfriend.
How could he be so stupid? He sent us both flowers and then expected me to accept them? I have access to everything. Of course I'd find out!
She was rightfully furious.
The woman in me expressed what I felt in words I can’t say here... and as she covered her face with her hands I told her to practice bringing her hands away from her mouth. I told her to let that shame... go!
Stop covering up, hiding and protecting. You have nothing to be ashamed of. His poor actions are not a reflection of your high worth.
It takes a brave, strong and courageous woman to keep going when everything feels like it's falling apart and that brave, strong woman, whether or not you recognize her - is you.
Why is it that we cover our face when we are scared, emotional and embarrassed? When were we taught that hiding our emotions is a “good thing?”
In that moment she dropped her hands to her knees, continued crying another minute and then stopped. “I’m sick and tired of being rejected and thrown to the side like garbage. I’m tired of not speaking up. I’m fed up with his lack of love and his disregard for our kids.”
Stop hiding, I said again.
Stop waiting for something outside of you to fix this. Say exactly what you need to say to him. Purge everything from your heart and soul and once you're done - be done with it. Then let the universe pick up the rest and do it’s work.
Your husband may not realize it now, but one day he will know that not only did he lose a wonderful wife, but he lost the joys of fatherhood.
Your two boys will grow up with one wonderful mama who never left their side for something "fun" or someone "temporary".
Parts of our lives can be painful, awful and I wouldn’t wish those experiences on anyone. Trust me. I know.
But like the rain that washes everything away, eventually the sun does come out and lights a new way. My dad told me this when I was a heartbroken teen and I've never forgotten it because it’s true.
What we may not realize is that someone else rejecting us may be a brighter blessing for us in the end. Perhaps there is a lesson there for us to learn... or maybe a new path awaits.
Some things may fall apart for better things to come together so when life feels like it’s too heavy to keep carrying or that life is giving up on you - please try and see rejection as redirection, because that’s exactly what it is.
Sending strength your way,