Yesterday was my birthday. I woke up at 5am and found Vito watching TV on the couch. Poor guy was suffering from jetlag too. We just got back from Italy and here we were, wide awake in our pitch black living room standing in wrinkled pjs. He ran towards me and said "Happy Birthday!! I love you so much!" and kissed me all over.
Next, he guided me back to bed where he pulled out a crumpled letter from his nightstand drawer. It's been a few years since he wrote me a letter so I was pleasantly surprised. I could hardly read it... (his handwriting is just... well, his handwriting) so I asked that he read it aloud for me. :)
Immediately I started tearing up.
He reminded me of all the beautiful blessings this year has brought us and then he said... "next year will be the very best because you won't just be Violet anymore, you'll be someones mommy." I still cannot believe I'm having a baby!! I mean I can, but sometimes it feels so surreal.
So, as a now 34 year old woman (no longer an infant, baby, toddler, child or teen, but WOMAN... here are some helpful lessons and blessings I've learned along the sometimes rocky, bumpy, beautiful way and I hope they help you too!
As always, take what works... and leave the rest behind!
Time waits for no one.. including you. Do what you want NOW. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Perfection will keep you stuck. Do things imperfectly and they will lead you to a life beyond your wildest dreams.
Speak up. Speak up. Speak up. If something doesn't feel right - it isn't!
Not all relationships last forever whether it's with family, friendships, professional or romantic. Each WILL however teach you a valuable lesson. Take that lesson and keep growing.
If you never ask, the answer is always no! Ask. You'll only feel dumb tossing and turning all night "wondering" versus actually knowing! (Trust me I know.)
Less is more. Having a 100 fake friends will never match up to having a handful of true, honest, kind, supportive and loving people.
Energy is everything. If you feel depleted after being with someone, that is a huge sign that you need to reduce your valuable time with them and reconsider more healthy and vibrant relationships. Bye felicia!
LISTEN to your intuition - Actions will always speak louder than words. Someone can promise you the galaxy and all the stars in it, but if they aren't willing to walk that talk... then put on your shoes, grab your purse, keys and go!
Toxic people teach you things - The biggest lesson is that they teach you never to behave like them. They teach you what you want to avoid in the next chapter of your life. Appreciate the lesson and move forward.
Counting calories and weighing yourself will never make healthy. You can eat a bag of spinach a day and run 6 miles and be f'n miserable. Instead count your blessings. Eat intuitively, eat clean, drink lots of water, rest, laugh, do things that make your heart race, try new healthy, colorful organic foods, mix them with the ones you love and move in ways that make you feel good. Yoga or running doesn't work for all. Maybe for you its swimming or even hip hop or belly dance! The "looking good" part will come faster than you think when you live this way. You'll also be so much happier!
Follow your bliss - not theirs. Your parents, friends or partner will mean well but if something keeps calling your attention, listen. This is your one life to live, so live it on your terms. Satisfying everyone else but yourself leads to a life of meaningless torture and you deserve more!
Buy the damn shoes! If you feel more confident, beautiful, bold and creative with whatever it is that keeps calling your attention, then invest in it, but do so wisely. The last thing you want to do is get and stay in debt. Big NO NO!
Pay your bills fully and early! Trust me, those fees add up and take away from all the fun margaritas you could be splurging at your next happy hour with your girlfriends.
Money only loves you if you love it back! This was a hard lesson for me but I've come to realize how true it is. When you respect that $1 in your purse and use it wisely with love and intention, it increases. Never underestimate how easily money can flow your way when you are in alignment, doing what you love and helping others.
Surrender and then surrender more. If life is challenging you, try releasing your tight grip. Sometimes we hurt ourselves more by trying to hold onto the crap that made us feel awful thinking we can "fix things" when in reality maybe they're meant to be released... sometimes when we do this beautiful blessings truly do come our way!
Observe your pets. They are the most valuable tiny teachers in our lives. They love deeply, they are loyal and they are unconditional. When they're sick, they rest, when they're hungry they eat, when they're sad, they seek affection. For every cause there is a solution if you go back to the very basics.
Stop enabling. Ex) Friends or Family and Money just don't mix. I supported a friend many years ago and was taken advantage of. Learn from me and realize that you can support someone so much more by being there for them versus paying their way for them. Everyone deserves a little help now and then but no one deserves to be taken advantage of.
Set and Respect Boundaries. If you don't make it clear, others will dance in and out of your boundaries. Once again, decide yourself what is and isn't okay and make it be known. No one knows boundaries until you make it crystal clear not to cross them.
Stop dating to marry! Sure, maybe that's your ultimate goal but men can smell desperation a mile away and it's not cute!! Don't be her! Don't go chasing! Don't ask about serious stuff so early that you don't get to know the individual for who they are. Instead have fun, flirt, ask questions that help you learn more about this person. Ex) Instead of "what do you do for work?" ask, "what do you love spending your time doing?" Do you really want to know if they want to have kids 20 minutes into a date if you haven't yet learned about him/her as a person? Probably not. Figure out if it feels good to be around them, are you curious to learn more? Those are all good signs.
Hydrate! Don't let being hungover ruin the day. Drink a huge glass of water before you go out, continue hydrating in-between drinks and gulp a bigger glass when you get home. Trust me, your girl has learned! Clear minds versus groggy always wins!
Try something new! I didn't try sushi till I was in my late teens and it's become one of my favorite foods. If I didn't travel alone in my early 20's I wouldn't have learned how self-reliant I can be. If I never skydived I wouldn't have learned how brave I can be. If I never left that soul-sucking job, I would've never known how much better the next one could be!
Venture a new spiritual practice. Maybe you believe in God, or maybe you don't. Spirituality doesn't have to mean choosing one over the other. I've learned so many self-soothing ways to help heal me by expanding my spirituality. Curious about something? Read about it, take a class, explore it. Your divine intuition is guiding you there for a reason. Here are a few to try out: https://www.ventureviolet.com/post/5-ways-i-surrender-to-spirit.
Impress yourself - not them. If you don't want to do something, then say, "thanks for the invite, but I'll do xyz instead." Don't allow yourself to be bullied into doing something just for their sake. Do what feels good to you. Once again, speak up!
Education will never go out of style. This doesn't mean you need to enroll back in school and take a fat loan out, but maybe it's exploring a free or low cost class in an area of your interest: Pottery, Yoga, History, Cooking, Reflexology, Reiki, Woodwork... whatever! Follow that interest!
Clean up your mess! Yes you. Did you not do something you said you would do? Is your fridge full of rotten take out meals? Have you washed your sheets recently? Is your sink full of dishes? Do your plants need water? Do some of your shoes need to be donated or thrown away? Have you paid back the person you owe? Are you credit cards all paid off? Are you using your gym membership or lounging around in your yoga pants eating hot Cheetos watching SNL? There I said it. You know what to do!
You deserve your time. An hour a day minimum would be ideal to meditate, run, plan a healthy lunch, call a friend, take a bath, get your nails done, journal, or to do what you need to do to recharge! Giving and not receiving is deadly. Invest in yourself and your rest. Recharge.
Remove your makeup every night! I remember dragging my drunk body into bed many nights in my 20's. So much fun, too much to drink and not an ounce of energy to wipe my eyeliner when I got home which would then ruin my pretty white pillow cases. Gross, I know. I've learned that it's not only awful for your sheets but also for your skin. 5 minutes to wash your face nightly is critical! Trust me lol. Those face wipes are a lifesaver for late nights of partying. At minimum use those!
If you love someone, tell them. It's that difficult but also that simple. You'll never know where life will take you if you don't hold it all in. Set yourself free and tell them.
Comparison is the true thief of joy. You were born perfectly imperfect the way you are. Shiela, Janice, Tracy or Valerie will never have your qualities, so stop trying to steal theirs. Embrace your own beauty. Value yourself. You bring something to this world that NO ONE ELSE EVER EVER WILL. Respect and nurture that truth.
Do the big things first. Write down the 3-5 things you know you MUST achieve in this lifetime and then, work your way towards achieving those first. All the silly little do-do's aren't worth it. Prioritize your true wants and you'll never have regrets later in life. So far mine have been: 1) Start a business I love, 2) Get married 3) Have babies (currently pregnant with my first).. I have a others but will share more later... ;)
Your triggers are your teachers. Whoever or whatever is irritating you is actually trying to teach you something so: listen up. Only you will learn that answer.
Be Kind. It's not that f'n hard. I mean, really! Stop gossiping. Stop belittling. Stop judging. I've done all these things in the past and it never made me feel better or improve my life. It's petty, immature, completely unnecessary and unattractive. If you don't like something then move on. If you can't stand someone then remove them from your life. If you don't like tuna sandwiches then don't order them and if you don't like unstable relationships, stop allowing yourself to entertain them. You're in charge, this is your life. Treat everyone kindly even if you don't agree with them and then go on your merry ol' way! Talking crap only splatters it back onto your face in the end and it's not and will never ever be worth it. Be better, starting now.
Believe in yourself. Know that regardless of: the clothes you wear, where you live, how much you have in your bank account, how your skin looks, the kinda car you drive or what you do for work today... you can make miracles happen. You can make your dreams come true. You can travel the world. You can start your own company. You can change lives. You can live a gorgeous life, achieving what matters most to you, loving what you do and most importantly loving who you've become along the way - but it all starts with taking a real good look at yourself. We are all works in progress going on our own path. Love yourself enough to believe you are worth it, because you are.
If you've gotten to the botton of this, know that I love YOU. I respect YOU. And I hope my 33 lessons have inspired YOU to go do that thing, say that sentence, apply for that new job, ask for more money, break up with that douchbag and to go do whatever it is that sets your heart and soul on fire.
Cheers to this brand new year. Let's make it a great one!
Interested in starting your 2022 year off the right way?!
Well, I have a special surprise for you! I'll be offering a 1 day only workshop for women-only to start this new year off fresh!!! Click here to learn more:
With all the love,
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